3 Micro-Behaviors that Indicate Self-Confidence Issues

 3 Micro-Behaviors that Indicate Self-Confidence Issues

Small Deliberate Actions That Could Help Address Them

5 min read

Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.

— Brian Tracy, Self-development Author

I am usually not a fan of self-help books or motivational speakers. But the above quote is one that I’ve grown to like a fair bit. I’ve always believed that self-confidence is your biggest and most important strength, and it can often help overcome many shortcomings.

It is a completely intrinsic quality that you need to build within yourself, yet one most of us lack significantly. Self-confidence in many ways is relative. We’re often easily overwhelmed by the occasion or the presence of others, and end up losing that faith in ourselves. Worst still, most of the time we don’t even realize it.

There are subtle everyday behaviors that indicate some degree of lack of self-confidence that we consistently repeat. The good news, however, is that with the awareness of these behaviors, we can easily overcome them — and take a step towards greater self-confidence.

#1 — You are uncomfortable saying No

A vast majority of us face this seemingly innocuous but rather significant problem. We aren’t comfortable saying no. We often attribute it to our politeness, but it seldom is just that.

Remember when your boss asked if you could take on that additional project? Or the client who kept a call at 9 pm, when it was your kid’s bedtime, but you took it anyway? Or the time when that rude person jumped the queue at your coffee shop, and you couldn’t be bothered to tell them no?

Sure, sometimes there are genuine reasons to accept “undue” requests, but most of the time, it is saying no that is just the harder thing to do.

The issue is we feel underconfident and often derive “value” or “utility” from always being available and helpful. We have a tendency to feel a sense of guilt when we say no to others.

However, taking control of your time and setting boundaries is a key part of establishing your authority and showing faith in your abilities.

If you told a client, you couldn’t skip your young child’s bedtime for a call and would prefer to reschedule, all you’d do is earn more respect if they’re the right client.

Telling your boss no for a new assignment because your plate is full is part of good communication too. Declining someone access to something that is rightfully yours because you need it is your right too — so is holding your place in a queue.

Next time, say No when it is the right thing to do, and watch how you gain the respect of the other party.

#2 —You are never the first to do anything

You’re at a workshop or a class or a meeting with a bunch of people you’ve never met before. The facilitator of the gathering starts the session with a simple:

“Why don’t we start with a quick round of introductions. Who wants to go first?”

Sounds familiar? What might also be familiar is the ensuing lull and the fact that most often, nobody wants to be the one to go first.

“How do I introduce myself? Do I say my name and my job? Should I talk about my hobbies? What’s the right introduction for this setting? Maybe I’ll let someone else go first.”

All these questions are running through everyone’s minds. The moment there is a volunteer or someone is picked at random, everybody then tends to follow their lead.

Say person 1 said, “I am Adam, and I’ve been in my current role for two years.” Everyone else naturally tends to follow the example and use the same template. Even if that might not be the most situation-appropriate one.

Going first is a sign of confidence and also allows you to own the narrative. It allows you to be the trendsetter rather than the trend follower. In some ways it establishes you as a “leader” and enhances your image — so don’t be shy to go first. Treat it as an opportunity to seize than a challenge to shy away from.

#3 — You apologize way too often

Have you ever come across people who start their conversations with a “sorry” way too often, even when it is not necessary?

Recall those email reminders that begin with “Just wanted to check…” even when the sender is well within their rights to check the progress of the project because the receiver hasn’t provided timely updates.

Those situations when a non-expert tries to answer a question that’s actually your area of expertise at the same time as you begin to speak, and you’re the one who goes “sorry, why don’t you go first?”

Sounds familiar?

Don’t be that person.

Apologizing is a good thing where it’s required, but being apologetic most of the time is a sign of weakness or lack of confidence.

In fact, a study indicates that choosing not to apologize can actually help increase your self-esteem and have psychological benefits. While it is great and gracious to apologize where you’re wrong, make sure you keep those unnecessary apologies in check and give your self-confidence a boost.

Give yourself a limited quota of Sorries for a day, and cross one out each time you use it. When you’ve run out too soon, you’ll know to use them wisely the next day!

There are many other micro behaviors that indicate a lack of self-confidence but most of them come under the broad buckets described above. Avoiding confrontation, and choosing to adjust instead, is a subset of not being able to say No — and a sign of low self-confidence.

Some of these behavior changes can go a long way in giving your self-confidence a boost and showcasing your best self to others.

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”

— Peter T. McIntyre

D.G.Shastri

Courtesy: The Maverick Files